Today’s post is by our BollyX Product Director, Fen Tung. She inspires all of us to become better in so many ways: being a better instructor, being a better friend, and most importantly, being a better person. Fen shares her thoughts on body empowerment and her personal journey towards body positivity.
The term “body empowerment” can have different meanings to different people. For me personally, it means that I have overcome “obstacles” in my life that I could’ve allowed to control and takeover my life. I now listen to my body and give it what it needs, disregarding what society tells me my body should look like and not succumb to negative thoughts that may arise from perceived stereotypes. While we can simplify life by stating, “Just choose to be happy,” we all know life isn’t always that easy.
The 2 main reasons, or obstacles, which kept me from considering working in the fitness industry, and specifically, teaching fitness classes, were 1) the eating disorder (ED) I had through my high school and college years, and 2) my shy and introverted nature. I basically told myself I couldn’t be a personal trainer or group exercise instructor because, although I was fully healed, I was afraid it would make my unhealthy obsessions with weight and body appearance resurface, and then it would be hypocritical of me to be promoting health; and I feared having to frequently talk to strangers as part of the job requirement.
I first developed an unhealthy obsession with my bodyweight at age 14, and did not fully get over my ED until age 24. At age 25 is when I decided to get my Personal Training Certification. It turns out my fears of ED symptoms resurfacing did not come true – in fact, the opposite happened. As a personal trainer and group fitness instructor (and PE instructor for a time), I realized I inadvertently became a role model for others – many who are women who may likely suffer from an ED*, or think negatively about their bodies. I took this role very seriously and refused to be a hypocrite – I couldn’t live with myself if I was advising clients and class participants to love and appreciate their bodies, all while loathing my own behind closed doors. My family was definitely concerned and alarmed when they found out I decided to make exercise my career. All they knew was that I used exercise to lose weight in an unhealthy, unsustainable way. To their surprise, it turned out that working in the fitness industry really helped me in my road to full recovery. I’m not advising that this is the answer for everyone since each person is unique, but for me, it helped immensely.
Besides overcoming my ED, I still had to contend with my introverted personality. Could I stomach being in front of a room of people (i.e. strangers) and have the confidence to lead a class? Would I be able to meet new clients and not be awkward in conversation? My instinct at a party (assuming I even go in the first place) is to find someone I already know, and stay with him/her the entire night to avoid having to make small talk and meet potential new friends.
I am often met with shock and disbelief when I tell participants in my group exercise classes I’m an introvert. I agree – when I teach, the extroverted side of my personality comes out, as it should! I love what I do, and cherish each class I teach and each person who takes my class. My desire to help others not fear the gym, not hate their bodies, find the confidence to dance or believe they can do a pull-up drives the extroverted side of me. It’s not me pretending to be someone else – it’s the aspect of me that can’t help but come out when I’m doing something I’m genuinely passionate about!
Had you asked me 15 years ago if I had plans to work in the fitness industry, I would’ve responded with a blank stare. Now I can’t imagine what life would be like without training/teaching and without all the inspirational and amazing people I’ve met through this journey.
How does all this tie back to body empowerment? I could not have predicted that becoming a Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor would help me overcome my shyness, develop confidence in myself, and appreciate my body. Ironically, I felt a sense of empowerment when I restricted my eating as a teenager. Now I know that the empowerment I feel today is true empowerment – I feel not only physically strong and healthy, but also mentally strong. I feel my best when I can face my fears and doubts, use past negative experiences to propel me forward, and help others in a positive way so that they can find and reach their true potential.
Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or comments regarding Eating Disorders or fitness. I am not proclaiming to be an expert in either subject, but would be more than happy to share my personal experiences and journey. Only a few close friends and family know this about me. While I’m not the open book kind of person, I felt I should share this aspect of my life in the off chance someone else can relate to this story. If it helps even one person see that there is a light at the end of the seemingly endless dark tunnel, I’ll be happy.
